Simply put, it's hot.  But when it gets this hot in the Quad Cities, you need to put a little extra something behind it to properly tell people just how hot it is.

How hot is it?

The Quad Cities will see high temps near 100.  But of course, it's not just the heat, but also that darn humidity.  This is why there is a Heat Advisory for Tuesday from noon till 7:00 p.m. as heat index values will reach 105.

So while you take all the precautionary actions of drinking plenty of fluids, staying in air conditioning, staying out of the sun, and checking on the elderly, children, and also need to prepare yourself to say just how hot it is.  We've got you covered for that.

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We asked.  You answered.

Just last week during our first Heat Advisory of 2022 we asked you to tell us how you would describe just how hot it is.  And you did not disappoint.  Of course, it should also go without saying, but some (or many) of these would be considered NSFW.  But that really depends on where you work.

First off, the basics.

There were plenty of responses of "Hot as balls.".  "Hot as hell".  And of course, "Hot AF".  Can never go wrong with one of those.  Everyone gets exactly what you mean when you say any of those.  But let's step it up to really get that hot feeling.

  • Like Jessica in Davenport who stepped it up with "Hot as balls sticking to your leg."  
  • Mark in Davenport said, "Hot as a taped-up testicle." 

Or, if you can't relate to the danglers, maybe it's up top that's got you sweatin'.

  • Malina in Aledo - "I'm no chef, but Boyardees titties sweaty today."
  • Bri in Davenport - "I'm so hot I tried to put my boobs away for the summer."
  • Joanne in Colona - "I'm so hot you can ring a glass of sweat out of my bra."

Satan makes all sorts of hot references.


Nothing says hot like Satan.  But don't just stop as hot as hell.  Really give it some color.

  • Tyler in Dewitt went with - "Hotter than satan’s ass crack."
  • Jason from East Moline - "I’m hot as an anal bead up Satan's ass!"
  • Abby in Moline - "It is Satan's taint hot out there!!"
  • Travis in Erie - "Hot as Hades with a room full of Porn Stars!"
  • Or on the opposite side:  Moe in Rock island says "Please God turn off the heater hot."

It's goats and other animals hot.

funny goat puts out its tongue


Animals, especially goats, are widely used to describe how hot it is in the Quad Cities.

  • Zakk in Sterling - "Hotter than a 2 peckered Billy goat out here."
  • Tony in Moline - "It's hotter than a freshly f#@ked fox in a forest fire."
  • Blayne285 in Sterling - "It's hotter than two rats fu**ing in a wool sock outside."
  • Johnny Boy in Milan - "It’s hotter than a goat's ass in a pepper patch."
  • Heather in Moline - "It's hotter than a billy goat with a blow torch!"
  • Fay in East Moline - "It's hotter than a billy goat's ass in a pepper patch."
  • QCRorschach in Davenport - "I’m as hot as two pigs making spank in an oven."

Hot as a pepper or other scorching food.

Close-up portrait of Hispanic woman biting red pepper

It's always good to be relatable.  And we all know how hot food can be.  So, describe how hot it is outside with something we all know.

  • Stephanie in Princeton - "It's as hot as a Carolina Reaper."
  • Crystal in Moline - "I'm so hot you could fry an egg on my forehead."
  • Tim in Davenport - "Hotter than doughnut grease at a fat man convention."
  • Jeff in Moline - "Hot as your sphincter after a ghost pepper enema."
  • Jules in Moline - "Hot as a jalapeño in a sauna."
  • KimmieKat in Davenport - "Hot as a pizza roll scalding the roof of your mouth." 

Now that is hot!  You know you shouldn't bite into that pizza roll yet.  But you do it.  And it's like 3rd-degree burns.  That is a great way to describe how hot it is.  But, there's more...

The best of the rest.

Girl suffering a heatstroke refreshing with a fan

These couldn't fit in a category.  But any of them will accurately describe just how hot it is.

  • MIKO in Davenport - "I'm hotter than a witch being burned at the stake for not being an actual witch."
  • Jake in Walcott - "Hotter than if Scarlett Johansson and the sun had a child."
  • Julie in Princeton - "Thinking maybe I’m so hot I’m wishing I was a living dead girl. You know, dead cold."
  • Fuckstick in Preston - "It’s hotter than a crack heads meth pipe on payday."
  • Lilbeefy in Moline - "Hotter than Jerry Cantrell's guitar after a sick riff."
  • Mudcat in Moline - "My beer is sweating."
  • Scott in east moline - "Hot as a whore house on nickel night."
  • SixGun in Clinton -  "It's so hot outside... I thought about visiting my ex... just to be near something shady."

I mean that last one is really just the best.  Get ready to use all of them to keep describing the heat of summer.  Cause it's just getting started.

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